Emotional Turmoil

I feel a little shaky, I can't control my nerves
I know you think I'm fakin', but can't you feel the curves?
I swear to you I feel it, it scares me half to death
It gathers in my throat and it gathers up my breath

I'm picking up the telephone, there's no one I can call
I need somebody bad tonight, can't find no sleep at all
I wish I could relax, I just can't stop my mind
I wish I could collapse but my body's not that kind

Anxiety - Got me on the run
Anxiety - Yeah, I just need someone
Anxiety - Can't get nothin' done
Anxiety - Spoils all the fun

Sometimes in the city, sometimes in my car
I pound on the windows like a bee inside a jar

Anxiety - Got me on the run
Anxiety - Yeah, I just need someone
Anxiety - Can't get nothin' done
Anxiety - Spoils all the fun


flickr credit here
lyrics...Pat Benatar

Happy Week - Friday

Okay, its the last day of happy week.
Ironically, I have not had a happy week
Have had a really rough week

But, today I am going to focus on the small things,
The things that usually do make me happy,
The little things that I enjoy.

Having a whole day ahead of me
With nothing that absolutely has to be done
Is the best.
I try to reserve one weekend day for that purpose

But that's not a little thing

Okay...little things......think..think..thinking

Singing along to music on the radio
Having my morning coffee
Driving by myself
Lunch with the gals
Playing with my puppy
Stroking my cat
Playing ping-pong with my boys
Savouring a strawberry cheesequake blizzard from Dairy Queen
Card night with my friends
Gardening in the spring
Having a cup of tea
Walking in the snow on a crisp sunny winter day

And then of course there's all the hobbies I enjoy
That's like a special category on its own:
Scrapbooking
Knitting
Cross-stitching
Card-making
Computering

Those are the things that make me who I am.

Happy Week - Thursday

What makes me happy??
What fills me with joy?
What is a sight I could never tire of,
and don't see nearly enough?

Laughter in the faces of my guys.
They all have absolutely beautiful faces
When they laugh
Their eyes brighten up their whole face
When they laugh.

Harder to capture on film
Than birds & butterflies
Is when they laugh

They ease & frequency with which they laugh
As well as their willingness to be photographed
Goes in order with their age
My 14 year old
My 16 year old
And my 49 year old

Which is why I can't find
Decent pictures to post
So these will have to do
And I will have to concentrate
On really capturing their sparkling eyes
Blue for Jeremy, chocolate brown for the others

Or maybe I'll just have to hire Beth!

Happy week - Starry Starry Night

I can't remember the rest of that song right now,
But I want to write
now
while the feelings are still there
Because this makes me happy
And if they go before I'm done
I'll just go back outside till they come back.

There's a gazillion stars out there
My grade 2 teacher used to tell us that the highest number in the world
is a "googooplex"
Well, there's a googooplex and one out there

here
credit here
I stood and watched and stood and looked
Saw two and a half falling stars
Plus the ones I could only catch out of the corner of my eye
When I looked
They were gone

I saw a happy face
The Big Dipper
The North Star
And Casseoppia
(That's the extent of my stellar knowledge)
I saw one that looked like it was flashing blue and red
Like a police car
(Maybe it was speeding!)

And though I am not an extremely spiritual person
Once in a while the spirits hit me good
I felt like all the stars were spirits
Watching me
Giving me strength
Knowing what a hard evening I had
Struggling with my "stinkin' thinking"

And I thank the spirits
For watching over me
Showing me that I am not alone in my struggle
That a higher power is there

If I choose to accept it.




Now that its morning I discovered that my aunt, and Dagmar's aunt, passed away yesterday. Is there significance in what I felt yesterday as I was star-gazing? I definitely believe so.

credits here

Happy week....may I join in?

Sun in a smoke-filled sky

What makes me happy??
That's a tough question right now.
I've been "feeling the blues"
Not sure why.

What makes me happy?
Well, my budgies are twittering away in the background.
My radio is playing the song "Doing it Right"
Its kinda upbeat.
Its quiet in the house,
Hubby's at work
The kids are still asleep
Which is a good thing.
I'm in my favourite room...my office
Filled with my books & remembrances of the past.
I'd take some pictures, but I left my camera battery behind in Vancouver,
Have to wait for it to come in the mail
And the battery is as dead as a doornail.

What makes me happy?
I wanted to join in Happy Week
Wanted to chase the blues away.
Can't quite do it.

I may just push readers away today.
I'm sorry.
Sun gone down, in a smoke filled sky

Eagles in the City

One of the most interesting things in Vancouver this year, I thought, is the "Eagle in the City" program. They have done it in previous years with Orcas and with Spirit Bears. Its a program where volunteer artists are commissioned to paint the approximately 7 ft eagles in any manner they choose. They are then placed around the city & province for a year, there are 102 in Vancouver alone, then are auctioned off, with proceeds going this year to the Children's Hospice. Here are some of the ones we found:

You know you're in Vancouver when:

-Grown men wear cats on their heads


















-The skyline is misty & gray

















-The old mixes with the new



















You see pigeons & seagulls and instinctively duck for cover














-You take pictures of things you could only dream of owning














- Bikini clad drug addicts on downtown streets pick a fight on with you if you look at them
- The graffiti is artistic and not just messy
- Its always rush hour, in any direction
- You can sit on a bench and hear 20 different languages in 5 minutes
- You keep your purse tucked close to your body at all times
- You gawk at the humungously tall buildings mirroring each other
- Every souvenir shops sells the same stuff
- You carry an umbrella as a necessary accessory
- you pay 4.00 for a coffee
- you realize it takes all kinds to make the world go round
- you go home glad that you went, but oh so glad to be home, where you have trees, clean air, unlocked doors, wildlife that are not human, no neighbours, and you feel thankful for all you have, which most city folk would find terribly boring and uneventful.

The fragility of puppy love.

This weekend my youngest son and I went to Vancouver. He wants to be an actor, is passionate about wanting to be an actor. Vancouver is the Hollywood of Canada, the place to be. Which happens to be 500 km from where I live. So I enrolled him in a weekend beginner's workshop for teens & adults. This is him leaving on day one:
There were only 2 teens & 5 adults, so naturally he was paired up with his 16 year old classmate. A very pretty girl. The first day when I picked him up I noticed how she said goodbye to him & how easily he answered her, which surprised me because he is quite shy. The second day he was pretty quiet after I picked him up, which lasted throughout the evening, and I won't betray his confidence in me by telling all, because confidence between a 14 year old boy and his mom is a fragile thing, but suffice it to say that he did tell me he's never met a girl like that before. I comforted him by telling him he'd see her again, they can talk on the computer, yadda yadda, but, I have to say, I'm so glad I'm not a teenager anymore!!

This is on the famous Robson Street....the "Rodeo Drive" of Vancouver, where I picked up a poster of his idol, Johnny Depp, to commemerate his first acting class. I have a great story about this experience, which I'll save , but I might have to bore you with some posts about our weekend, while T was at his class, I played tourist with my mom. (The short one is her!)

For Tommy

photo credit


Where does a soul go
When he wakes up in the morning
Not knowing it will be the last time he wakes up?

Where does a soul go
When he closes his front door behind him
Not knowing he will never see his house again?

Where does a soul go
When he gets into his car
For a routine trip to town
Not knowing he will never drive that road again?

Where does a soul go
When he is suddenly yanked from his body
Without any warning?

It must be terribly confusing
To look down at the carnage below him
Thinking
"What the hell just happened?"
Perhaps knowing the answer
But not wanting to believe it.
Feeling an irresistable force
Tugging him towards that soft warm brilliant white light
Unlike anything he's ever seen before

Does he feel torn
Between what is so familiar
And what is the unfamiliar?

Does he feel sorrow and grief for what he leaves behind
And floats upwards
Into the welcoming essence
Of everlasting life?

Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig

This past weekend was a long weekend for us here in BC, the BC Day weekend. We took advantage of the extra day and went 500 km southeast to where my dad lives. We had a great time. Its a beautiful part of the province, hot and deserty surrounded by mountains and filled with fruit orchards and wineries. Its cherry season, which is my favourite time. The weather was brutal though, over 40 every day (Which is 105 F for you americans), and because of the hot weather all over the province, there are huge forest fires everywhere, which make a smoky haze hang everywhere.
We spent time at the beach(es), at the farmer's market, at the amusement centre, at the famous Tickleberry's ice cream parlour.
I always love visitng my dad, he has one of those voices that you could listen to forever, telling all his tales. I used to fall asleep every night to it when I was little. His dad, my grandpa, was the same. As I sat across the table from him in the twilight, he looked exactly like my grandpa, time could've dropped back 25 years.

All in all, we had a weekdn filled with love & laughter, which is the best kind.

(Click on the picture to "embiggen")