DARKNESS

i wonder whether the stresses 

are worth the pain

why are the bad times so much more magnified than the good?

is life worth the emotional struggles

the inner conflicts that constantly pit the evil me against the good me

the psychopathic tendencies against the pretended normalcy

born under the sign of gemini....the twins

could not be more suitable

the me known by some

and the me known by others

smart, witty, friendly, creative, loving 

smart, wily, loner, destructive, full of hatred

my blog is totally me

but only part of me

less than a handful know the both of me

the only ones who really know the danger of me

are those i task to protect me from my own evil potential

authorities to whom i tell all that i am capable of

who know much of what i have done in the past

i have paid my dues but the danger has not diminished 

and so

willingly i accept the external boundaries placed on my freedom

boundaries that are renewed over and over

to keep myself from horrendous acts

not for me, not for others

but for my children

my children love me and need me

who could explain to my dog where i went?

my husband has stuck through so much with me

i can't desert family in their time of need

and so i deal with it in the way i know how

cutting, burning, carving, destroying

because there is always some reason 

that holds me back

something that makes me say wait until next week

next week has not come

yet